that married life|reasons my husband is a disappointment

Sometimes I like to joke around that the only reason I married my Husband is because he drugged me until we said I do/I was pregnant so I'd have to be stuck with his balding head for the rest of my life. Really though, I married him because, despite all his faults, he's my best friend and he loves me for me {lame jokes and all}. But, look, life isn't all sunshine and roses and there are a few massive {huge!} things that fucker has done during the course of our relationship that have me made question our entire marriage. In the interest of absolute honesty I'm sharing them and, maybe, I can help someone else with disappointments such as these {who knows?} --

1. He doesn't know who Selby is. That devastates my self esteem. Selby Speaks was just a big part of my childhood. I was almost as obsessed with Duncan Ball as much as R.L.Stein. I remember the first time I asked him if he'd read Selby and he replied incredulously as if I'd made up the talking the dog. I imagine the hurt, torment and devastation would be akin to him saying now that he'd never heard of Truman Capote and, actually, his Selby-less life still burns.

2. He had never watched the end credits of Bring It On. Who is this person I've married? A stranger who never danced to Hey Mickey pretending to be a cheerleader with his friends at sleepovers that's who.

3. It took him about five minutes to remember what Genie From Down Under was. Ugh. And then, when we watched the trailer he didn't act like it was the best show in the entire world. 

4. He doesn't share my belief that Piranha DD is one of the best movies alive. He'll watch it happily with me but I know, deep down, that he thinks it's ridiculous and not, quite simply {and truthfully}, a true cinematic masterpiece.


friday five

golden girls phone case from redbubble -- I recently saw someone with a Bea Arthur phone case. I fell in love with it and quickly decided I needed a Golden Girls phone case. This one is my top pick and I adore that it includes Stan. 

peacock cabinet from the family love tree -- I currently have a butler table as a bedside table. I love it but it's forever cluttered with vitamins and other items that I need right by my bed. This Peacock Cabinet is customisable by colour and fits my growing needs perfectly. It's also divine and I crave it so.

paper clips from kikki-k -- these itty bitty embroidered paper clips are divine and so perfect for prettying up a planner.

twister pj set from peter alexander -- I adore board games and Peter Alexander so this collection is so perfectly me. Twister pj's are needed.

us by Curtis Wiklund -- these adorable sketches provide a magnificent glimpse into family life and just the sneaks I've seen have lifted my ever darkening current mood. 


misadventures in parenting|a bone to pick

I have a bone to pick with B. Don't let this sweet little face fool you. She's evil.

So, here's the thing -- Bailey likes to wake up at stupid times like 6:38am. She comes into my bed for snuggles. On most school days Husband is already at work and has been for a few hours. It's just her and I. Sure, it's lovely but it's also 6 fucking 38 in the morning and that's not okay. After she tires of snuggles she'll usually get up and go do her own thing. Before she does this she asks "what time do you want to get up mum?" and I'll grumble something stupid like "quarter past never" and she says "ugh mum!" and goes off on her merry way.

But here's where it gets sticky -- I eventually counter with a 7:30am wake up time. This is the latest possible time that I am able to get up on a school day. This gives me time to get up, get B. breakfast, help her remember her morning jobs {feed the dogs, make her bed, help with laundry}, tell her to get ready for school, make her lunch, have a shower, make my bed, etc. It also allows time for my stupidity {finding my keys, forgetting B's hat, locking the doors} and B's dawdling {brushing teeth mostly} and those other annoying things -- why is there toothpaste on her shirt and skort thing? Ugh, her Converse are still too tight and are being a pain in my ass. Sand -- everywhere. All of those things.

The thing with my evil child is -- she likes to let me sleep. How she dare. She also gets as distracted as I do. Squirrel. So the next thing I know is B. is waking me up with cuddles and trying to steal my toasty {she's allowed, she's cute} and telling me it's 8:04 am. Crap. I have tried to tell her that I am clearly not functioning and I need to be dragged out of bed. It's so comfy and toasty and if you stick your feet out just right it's so fucking delicious. But she can't be trusted. She can't even get me out of bed at a reasonable time. Who the hay does she think she is?

I honestly don't know what to do with her. 


misadventures in parenting|mum & b. life advice

It's recently come to my attention that B. and I are really quite similar in more ways than I ever knew. It wasn't until a friend told me that B. had informed her watching a movie without popcorn is "illegal" that I realised she has picked up so many things I say and do. Personally, I believe that the majority of things I've taught B, and that she's taught me, are pretty marvelous so, clearly, I had to share -- life advice from me & b.

1. Watching a movie without popcorn is {or should be} illegal. And you can't eat plain popcorn. That's stupid.
2. Having McDonald's for breakfast and McDonald's for dinner on the same day {while not recommended} is not the same thing and, therefore, is fine.
3. Having snuggles is part of getting ready for the day. Make time it for it.
4. Nutella in a jar with your very own personalised spoon is essential to life. Get some.
5. Bed is delicious. You need to respect your bed. Talk to it. Tell it you love it. Give it a hug every day.

Of course, there's plenty of other things that have obviously escaped my mind when most needed. But there's one more and it's the lamest, most important of all --

Remember you are kind, you are smart and you are important.

I remind B. of this all the time and, lately, she's taken to reminding me when I'm sad or mad or just because. Man, I love that kid. 


beauty buys|currently loving

I've currently been loving a completely bare face and have noticed such an improvement in my skin. But I don't think it's just going make up free that's improved my complexion. These two products have been such a skin saviour -- Jojoba Youth Potion and Pixi Glow Tonic

My face isn't big on oils. The majority cause break outs and make my face feel slimy. Considering I use them, mostly, at night and so close to bed that just doesn't work for me {eye masks and a slippery face do not go well together}. This Jojoba oil is different. I must admit that the words "youth potion" drew me in but when I tested the product on my hand it felt simply sublime. The product is sold as a multi-vitamin for skin. It's naturally rich in vitamins A, B, C, D, E & F. It improves skin texture and gives a naturally radiant complexion.

What I've discovered -- it absorbs into skin quickly {but not too quickly} and leaves my face feeling moisturised and lush all day long {I've since started using it day and night}. I use it all over my face and neck and rub any excess into my cuticles and hands. There's a light, barely there, scent that doesn't irritate my skin or allergies {strong scents give me a migraine} and it has become one of those products that I actually enjoy using. Let's face it, sometimes skincare can be a chore but the Jojoba Youth Potion is not one of those products.


A few months ago I started having persistent breakouts on my chin. I attributed the majority of those to stress {being bullied by your boss will do that to you} but I wasn't going to let my face fall into a pattern. Not if I could help it anyway. I kept up with my double cleanse routine {see my fave product for the first step here} and it helped every area of my face aside from the right side of my chin. Dejected, I made a last ditch attempt and picked up the Pixi Glow Tonic from Adore Beauty and fell quickly in love.

Of course I'm naturally drawn to Pixi products because of Caroline Hirons but the Glow Tonic sells itself. It's an exfoliating acid toner which can sound scary {and, I must admit it frightened me a tad}. I imagined a liquid with scrubby beads in it. Perhaps, an acid that was too rough. But it's nothing like that. It's simply a smooth product {similar in texture to any cleansing water} that gently accelerates cell renewal to reveal a wonderful complexion.

What I've discovered -- it improves skin tone and reduces {or doesn't add to} the redness around my nose. I initially started using it day and night {on a cotton pad} and noticed the best improvement in my skin. Eventually, I figured only using it once a day wouldn't be so bad but the big differences stopped. My skin was maintained and looked better but not as good as before. So, I highly recommend, using it day and night. The product is free from alcohol so it doesn't dry it out. In fact, it leaves your face rather wonderfully hydrated and is perfection when followed with the Jojoba Youth Potion.


on selfishness

A small part of my morning routine is tapping on my Facebook app, selecting On this Day and deleting all the stupid crap I used to say when I was younger. Most of the ramble comes from me sad, angry, disappointed with the world and the people in mine. On how I viewed their actions as selfish. Selfish because someone didn't remember my Husband's birthday. Selfish because they didn't contact me until the night of mine. Selfish because I was depressed and hurting and nobody seemed to care. 

All of these things. And I'm embarrassed. Ashamed that I could be so selfish. Because I don't see the world that way anymore. I think it hit me when I was pregnant with B. Perhaps, even earlier, when I was getting married. I can't quite be sure. But I don't care to label people selfish anymore. That's not my place.

I don't care if people forget my birthday. Everyone is busy.

I don't care if people don't check in on my mental state. Everyone has their own shit.

When I am in pain I don't reach out to anybody. I used to think that people should just know. When your behaviour changes they should know, instantly, what's happening. They shouldn't. I know that there are some people out there who can only see themselves. I understand that some people really are selfish but I think, for the most part, people are just busy. They have families and friends and jobs and emotional scars we may never get to see. 

If someone isn't there for you it doesn't always mean they're rude or a bad person. If someone doesn't reach out when you need it the most it doesn't always mean they're selfish. Sometimes life gets in the way and sometimes you can't be a part of every moment of their's -- no matter how close you are.


just wait...

I've always detested the "just wait" kind of people. 

I love being a mum -- just wait until you have two kids!

I'm tired -- just wait until you become a mother!

I love my Husband -- just wait until you've been married for five years!

You know, those really lovely, fun people to be around. I've always despised them but I've now realised that they were right about one thing and it goes/went a little something like this --

My leg hurts -- just wait until you turn thirty! Then you'll really know what body pain feels like.

And when I heard this I rolled my eyes and thought nothing could really be that different because I've always had issues -- asthma, allergies, sciatica, slipped disc, all the mental health stuff. And I've always been easily susceptible to getting sick. I just assumed that being thirty wouldn't be that different. But I really, truly, think it is. Mostly because I've just recently returned from the doctor to hear of one more fucking issue to add to the list and I blame being thirty.

I don't mind getting older and I'm sick and tired of people making thirty into a big deal but -- I swear that turning that age has made my body even worse than usual. As if bodies have a switch that flicks as soon as you hit this supposed milestone. 

Why is that?