The Power of Invisibility

In 2016 someone asked me, if I could have one superpower what would it be?

I answered, a cliche, I’m sure, invisibility. Because I wanted to be invisible. I felt invisible.

I hated myself.

Not for anything I’d done.

My parents. My family. My totally safe and completely legal workplace - ahem.

I realised, the other day, that I no longer felt that way. And, you know what? I haven’t felt that way for such a long time.

Because my parents? And my family? Not my fault. We’re just not right for each other.

That workplace? All on them.

I grew into a less needy person. I realised all of my fears were pointless. My Husband cheating? His bloody problem. And fears? They affect you more than you realise and, certainly, more than I ever realised.

So, fuck them.

I no longer wish I was invisible. I no longer feel invisible.

I no longer self sabotage.

And I no longer hate myself.

Now, now I fucking adore myself. My life? Not perfect but really fucking amazing.

There will always be shit in life but I refuse to feel sorry for myself. No parents or extended family? I give no shits. Abused at work? So…

Would it be nice if we could of worked things out? Would it have been wonderful if my work, you know, could read the law and follow it? Yes. That would have been lovely. Heck, even amazing. Can you imagine all the free time free of appointments {so many appointments}, legal shit, endless pain and drugs I don’t want to take? No chronic pain. Oh boy, wouldn’t that be amazing. But that’s not my life, not right now, and that has to be okay because what else is there…?

I refuse to go back to being meek and sad and feeling unloveable.

I love me. And that’s enough.

So, wanna know what my new superpowers are?

Spending $1,000 in 3 shops in half an hour {that’s a lot for me, okay!}. Stuffing tissues in my face without realising that’s super stupid {a.k.a just being an absolute dimwit}. Convincing myself I have gangrene of the foot/lungs/hand. Putting a positive spin on everything - for me and for me alone. Getting excited about random things and dancing in public. Living life with utter joy. Celebrating getting older. Loving life just as it is and wishing for nothing more.

So, what’s your superpower?