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  • Writer's pictureJaye Gaff

Sex isn’t everything…

I despise the above statement, how do you feel about it?

Sex, for me, is everything. I don’t believe my life is whole without it. Without sex I get depressed, angry, miserable, frustrated. I look at my adorable Husband with hatred in my eyes as if the lack of orgasms has turned him into the most hideous person alive.

Sex cures everything. It is a consistent salve in my life that I never want to do without.

Sex is, without a doubt, up there with honesty, communication, and humour as my relationship must haves.

I know that I’m an adult and sometimes, especially when you have a child and are chronically ill, you will go without. A week I can handle but a month?! It feels unbearable.

But how do you make time for sex with a child in the house? Lock your door, sure. But do you forgo the vibrators and screaming? Quite sex is almost as bad as no sex at all — unless it’s some sneaky, I need your penis right now, public toilet sex.

And how do you make time for sex with constant pain? Or when you’re on medication that makes you so drowsy and spaced out that you’re never quite sure where you are?

I’m still trying to work all of that out… clearly I’m not doing so great at coming to the perfect solution because I only recently broke a month-long sex drought after spending far too long wondering why I was constantly murderous with rage.

The Husband, for his part, is far too understanding. He never pushes but, sometimes, a girl just wants to be told to lie down and shut the fuck up without prompting. Sure, I can’t be gagged anymore but I can’t say no to being tied up while he does whatever he wants to me.

So, how do parents living with chronic illness/pain do it? A month without sex, surely, can’t be the answer. Can it?

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