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  • Jaye Gaff

Marriage | How to Stop Snooping

I am a snoop. I love to know things. I like Real Housewives. I like drama. It excites me. I used to read my Husband's text messages. His emails. Look through his phone desperate to find that calculator app that isn't really a calculator app.

Did I find things? Yes.

Did I regret snooping? Fuck no.

But I stopped anyway. Not for him. For me. I know, annoying but, still, it's important. I don't generally believe in stopping things because people want me to. Of course there's limits to this. Don't touch people. No means no. You know the drill.

I decided to stop because I was sick of the person snooping and paranoia was making me. Deranged. Let's face facts, I was deranged. I do believe, after someone breaks trust, you should be able to rebuild trust by having access to things and, so, I started with that and then I got really bored and then I realised who I married - a computer nerd - and I knew if he wanted to hide it he would so I just stopped. I couldn't be bothered and, most of all, I just didn't care.

If your partner is going to cheat on you no amount of snooping will save that. Sure, maybe you'll catch them but I don't care to catch him in the act. I don't care enough to be paranoid and on edge and think what if? If the idiot wants to agree to close a previously open marriage and then cheat then that's on him.

I used to snoop because I was scared he would cheat or say mean things about me. Now I don't.

If he cheats and chooses to end our relationship and hurt our child then that's on him.

If he says mean things about me, well, if they're true then I don't care. If they're way too personal and he breaches trust... see point above.

I don't care what actions he takes to end us.

I refuse to spend my life caring about what he could possibly be doing. I choose to have faith in our family but, most of all, in myself. I know what to do if he breaks the commitment we made to each other. He knows what I believe. I value his good actions. How he treats me, our daughter, strangers, animals, himself. I don't give a shit about what he's doing behind the scenes. I trust it would come out when it needed to and, ultimately, it wouldn't, really, at the end of it all, negatively affect me in the slightest.

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