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  • Writer's pictureJaye Gaff

I married someone who reminded me of Christmas

I had a really shitty time growing up. I never felt loved or safe. I definitley suffered from the effects of sexual, physical, and emotional abuse as a child and without adequate help I didn’t manage to heal until I’d removed everyone who reminded me of those times from my life. There are things I will never be able to enjoy again but there are also things that helped me escape during those first seventeen years of my life. Golden Girls was one.

I rewatched the same episodes that someone had taped on a VHS over and over again. I pretended the four women were my family. I felt safe, happy, and loved with them. I still adore The Golden Girls to this day. They still feel like my surrogate family. I’ve also always loved Christmas and while it was never what I wanted or needed when I was a kid I had this dream of what it could be.

When Husband and I started dating I instantly felt safe with him. I don’t know what it was exactly but he felt like home the moment we had that first deep and meaningful conversation. I told him about all the abuse I had suffered. He held my hand as I recounted stories of pre school aged me with him in bed and what his hands did while I read Spot and pretended this was normal. He’s always been that person for me.

He reminds me of Christmas. He brings me endless amounts of joy and happiness. Looking at him makes my stomach flip and it evokes the same kind of pleasures I feel when I’m decorating a tree, listening to Christmas songs and eating snowballs, of cherries on the beach, of decoration shopping, of Christmas stockings, of pure, unadulterated happiness.

I married my best friend. He is what I felt watching The Golden Girls. He is how I feel every Christmas. He makes it Christmas all year round. We have had our fair share of snags — the times when we weren’t sure monogamy was for us — but, mostly, he has always felt like home.

My number one piece of marriage advice? Marry your best friend because when husband and wife life is hard we are still able to separate our marriage issues and talk to each other like friends. We communicate. We’re always honest with each other even when honesty hurts. He is the absolute greatest decision I have ever made. I’ll continue to make the same one, to love and cherish him, every single day, recommitting myself to him for as long as stars are above me and longer if I may.

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