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  • Writer's pictureJaye Gaff

A Greek Tragedy

One of the greatest sadnesses of my life is that I’ve never received a dick pic. I’m serious.

I feel hesitant to even say this as if the very idea makes me lose my feminist card. But I realised I don’t need to feel guilty for how I feel even if my feelings may be in the minority. I may have grown up in a time before these existed. I know Husband and I started dating when I was seventeen and I guess I may have missed the dick pic window.

But I feel very Veruca Salt about it all. It’s not fair! I want an unsolicited dick pic dammit! Just one!

I guess part of it is related to the low self esteem part of me. Am I not pretty enough to send your dick too? The other part is I love looking at penises, boobs and vaginas and there’s a whole world out there of people showing theirs. Just not to me

One of my friends lovingly shares the photos and videos she gets. Sometimes I even get to mess around on her Tinder for shits and giggles. But it’s not the same. Not really. I am still happily married but I feel the same way about dick pics as some people may about travelling.

I don’t want to die without seeing an unsolicited wang. I don’t care about the Eiffel Tower or Mona Lisa. I just want to open my messages to see a nice dick. Is that really so bad?

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