on selfishness

A small part of my morning routine is tapping on my Facebook app, selecting On this Day and deleting all the stupid crap I used to say when I was younger. Most of the ramble comes from me sad, angry, disappointed with the world and the people in mine. On how I viewed their actions as selfish. Selfish because someone didn't remember my Husband's birthday. Selfish because they didn't contact me until the night of mine. Selfish because I was depressed and hurting and nobody seemed to care. 

All of these things. And I'm embarrassed. Ashamed that I could be so selfish. Because I don't see the world that way anymore. I think it hit me when I was pregnant with B. Perhaps, even earlier, when I was getting married. I can't quite be sure. But I don't care to label people selfish anymore. That's not my place.

I don't care if people forget my birthday. Everyone is busy.

I don't care if people don't check in on my mental state. Everyone has their own shit.

When I am in pain I don't reach out to anybody. I used to think that people should just know. When your behaviour changes they should know, instantly, what's happening. They shouldn't. I know that there are some people out there who can only see themselves. I understand that some people really are selfish but I think, for the most part, people are just busy. They have families and friends and jobs and emotional scars we may never get to see. 

If someone isn't there for you it doesn't always mean they're rude or a bad person. If someone doesn't reach out when you need it the most it doesn't always mean they're selfish. Sometimes life gets in the way and sometimes you can't be a part of every moment of their's -- no matter how close you are.

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be nice. unless you can be cake and then always be cake.