j rants|bust a move

I've been listening to the song Bust a Move a lot in the car, mostly, because it's our favourite place to dance/sing/act foolish and this song is perfect for all of those things. But the song makes me mad. Actually, scratch that, one part of the song infuriates me. And the frustration lingers well after the song is finished. Here's what --

Your best friend Harry has a brother Larry
In five days from now he's gonna marry
He's hopin' you can make it there if you can
Cause in the ceremony you'll be the best man

What? Why? How?

This makes no sense whatsoever. If your best friend's brother is getting married why would you be the best man? Would the brother not be the best man and/or someone else close to the groom? And if you were, in fact, close with Larry wouldn't Larry himself be calling you, and presumably more than five days before the event, to ask you to do him the honour of being best man?

I think about this a lot. I rant about this too much for a normal functioning human being but... why? Husband reasons that, perhaps, the original best man got sick or they had a falling out or he died. But in that case why is Harry not the best man? Do men think this way? Does Harry not care? Is Harry already a groomsman? But, if so, can he not relinquish groomsman duties to the protagonist so he can be best man? Or did he grow up with Harry and Larry and they're all BFF's for life? What's the deal? What's happening? I need to know.

Also, has anybody else spent their whole life thinking this song is about sex? And now "bust a move" is about dancing? I don't know...


j rants|home alone

Every December I watch Home Alone 1 & 2 and I've always felt like that family was really quite fucked. But this year is different. I'm actually really quite mad. It's never going to be in the same vein as The Parent Trap where I physically can't watch that idiotic piece of trash but, still, it's pretty bloody bad. I need to break it down in numbered points:

1. The McCallister parents are absolutely horrendous. They do not deserve children. They favour the douchebag Buzz over Kevin. Buzz needs to have his head chopped off. That's it. Do it already. Kevin is the best and I need them to recognise.

2. Uncle Frank needs to be told to fuck off. If we're supposed to support our families no matter what then they need to not verbally abuse your children. It's that simple. But I have a theory -- Kevin's dad is clearly rich and the uncle in Paris from the first movie is obviously better than Frank. So, Frank is the poor one and, obviously, an absolute failure of a human being. Because of this he takes it out on his family. But if Frank is such a miserable sod he needs to do everyone a favour and leave.

3. The mum. Do not get me started on the mum. Of course, the dad is a stereotypical father but the mum. I can't. For starters -- if I had forgotten my kid over the holidays last year I would be spending the next holidays at home just to fucking recuperate a bit. But, sure, go to fucking Florida you douche. I'm glad it rained when you got there. You deserve rain and a miserable holiday for the rest of your life. You deserve misery. And Kevin needs to spend his life with that bird lady in New York because she has more maternal instincts in her bird poop.

4. Where does the family even get all their money from? Where? I've read that Peter McCallister is in the mob and I like that. How else does Kevin just know how to go all Chuck Norris on people? Also, to be honest, I have no idea what Chuck Norris actually did but I'm sticking with it.

5. Why, despite the second movie completely being fine with the robbers trying to kill Kevin, am I so obsessed with these films?


mental health|the real housewives

I recently discussed wallowing and Hallmark movies as my perfect cure to deal with depression and anxiety. I've now realised that sometimes all that sickly sweetness is the exact opposite of what I need and, so, enter The Real Housewives.

It is the perfect cure all for that deep, heavy, disgusting depression. I'm serious. When your head is telling you to die watch The Real Housewives. And, sure, fine, maybe it's not the perfect medicine but it's pretty darn close, for me at least. Because I've never felt better about my own darkness when I see grown women acting like idiots.

My life isn't that bad.

And the yelling and ridiculousness makes my heart feel happy and my depression feel light. 

It just works. Try it. 


my kids gift guide

I like to think that I'm a pretty good shopper, for kids especially. Or maybe, I'm only good at buying for B. and/or going overboard. Either way, I do enjoy buying kids gifts. And, obviously, they need a December 1 gift, a gift the day before an event with Santa, gifts on Christmas Eve and then, come Christmas Day -- presents under the tree and stuffed in a personalised stocking and Santa sack. Here are my top picks --

All the Things I Wish from Papier -- I know I've featured this here before but I can't stop obsessing over this book. I plan to give this to B. just from me and, considering I've teared up just reading it to myself, I can't wait to share this with her.

Cute 2018 Weekly Small Diary from Kikki K -- B. has recently become obsessed with planning and I think for organised obsessed kids an adorable diary like this is perfection.

Pikachu Swimsuit from Little Gecko -- this is by far one of my favourite picks for B. The smaller sizes are unavailable but if you have/know a kid who loves Pokemon and is a size eight or up these are needed.

Girls Bon Bon 4 Pack of Undies from Cotton On Kids -- a cute little stocking filler. They also have a boys set {find it here} and, weirdly, or maybe not, B. adores being gifted underwear so it's a perfect essential but much loved gift. 

Large Bow Sparkle Headband from Cotton On Kids -- I actually picked this up for B. to go with her Breakfast with Santa outfit/present. The kid loves headbands and this is as close as I'm going to get to those hideously huge bows that swallow kids heads.

Nintendo DS 2XL Pokeball Edition -- because who doesn't need this?

Pokemon Ultra Sun -- I'm usually the gift buyer/thinker/doer but for things like this I leave it up to the Husband. Apparently, this is the necessary game. I don't know. But, look, I like to shop to a theme so when I'm buying a Pokemon DS I need to buy a Pokemon game to go with it. Both are necessary. 

Sylvanian Families Baby Sleigh Ride from Toys R Us -- adorable animals and outfits and the perfect Christmas Eve gift.

Snowman Bubbleroon from Lush -- B. dips in between liking baths but when she does she adores trips to Lush to pick something like this. She's picked out bath products like this one as a gift for her toys this year {yeah we're those people}. I think the snowman makes an adorable stocking filler.

Personalised Nutella Spoon from handstampeddelights on Etsy -- if you know anyone that loves eating Nutella straight from the jar {necessary} then they obviously need a special spoon with their name on it. B. needs this. Heck, I need this. Everyone needs this. It's also my dream in life to keep the pantry always stocked with labelled Nutella -- spreading Nutella and eating Nutella. I dream big people. Big. 


friday five|christmas must-haves

My top Christmas gifting picks --

one. your very own copy of Deadpool -- because watching everything digitally is too much for me. I love watching/buying DVD's and if Deadpool isn't needed in everyone's home I don't know what is.

two. this Kaju Candy Dancing Clown Brooch -- as I've discussed before I am not a fan of the original It but the remake is everything I love in this world and then some. I need this brooch desperately in my life. It's currently sold out but you can get emailed when it's back in stock.

three. this Stila Kitten Karma Liquid Eye Shadow -- a perfect stocking filler and my favourite eye shadow shade of all time. 

four. these amazing sneakers from Wittner -- because who doesn't need hand embroidered sneakers under their Christmas tree?

five. Beauty and the Beast Chip Mug -- if you know me you'll know all I've dreamed of for years on end is an actual Chip mug and then I found it and I screamed. And then I realised it was sold out so I cried. And then it came back in stock and I screamed some more. I need this more than I've ever needed anything in my life.   


mental health|to wallow

I always used to think that wallowing made me weak. I would let myself be sad and then force myself to move on before I was ready. So, as you can safely assume, I never actually healed from anything. I've since learned that I need to let myself wallow in all my sadness for as long as it takes.

I've started appreciating my depression, especially of late, and allowing it to, in a way, control me. The other day, overwhelmed by life, by people who lie and hurt others as if on purpose. Stressed and scared over turmoil that never seems to cease. Saddened by the state of the world and those who are a part of mine. Too depressed to feel like I can really go on. And so I didn't. Not really.

I did what needed to be done. Braved crowds {because it always feels like an act of bravery to do so}. And then, when I reached my limit, I went home, curled up on the couch and watched an endless stream of Hallmark Christmas movies alone. Usually I feel guilty about doing things for myself, for allowing myself to be depressed and wallow in it. But not anymore. I let myself be and instead of taking days to recover it took hours, if that, before I felt normal again.

I turned the air conditioner on low, wore my favourite Lady & The Tramp pj's, wrapped myself in a blanket, drank green tea, ate chocolate and home made cheese fries. Bailey and I had snuggles. The Christmas tree lights were on. I played with stickers and texted friends. And, sure, it wasn't a cure all and my head still pounded of the stress I knew was going to come in the days that followed but I didn't cry, nor feel the need to hold them in.

I've since come to the conclusion that wallowing is the best thing for my head. And Hallmark movies are cheesy but, kind of, the best medicine of all.