husb. & b.

Sometimes, when the world feels like it's slowly crumbling around me. When my chest feels weighed down and my breathing turns shallow. When my only comfort is bed and loneliness is my only way through. When showering feels like too much and eating is too much responsibility. When tears are always threatening to spill over and nothing feels quite right. When all of these things join together to create a ridiculous depression spiral, a pit so deep, and it feels like nothing can pull you out, I turn to them, to Husband and B., to see me through.

But it's not in the times they come to see me that ultimately help {although that's wonderful too}. It's the moments I can hear them whispering to each other in another room or Husband reading to B. Or when she reads to him. When they share a favourite book curled up in her bed together. When he brushes her hair while they play a loved computer game. When they both high five over the same captured Pokemon. When they both giggle over ludicrously named gaming characters. When she thanks him for taking care of me. When he sings her good night songs and they hug. When she calls him by his first name rather than dad and he never complains.

It's always in these simple, quiet, moments together that I've happened to sneak up on that make me the happiest. I never feel quite as peaceful as when I get to watch them together. Especially when they're completely unaware of my presence. When they are so wonderfully themselves, bonding in perfectly lovely and randomly ridiculous ways. This is when I feel the weight of the world lifted. If only for a second.

1 comment:

  1. Thank you, Jaye, for allowing others to know what a beautiful person you are. I feel proud to call you daughter-in-law. If I had had a daughter I would have loved one just like you. I sit here reading your blogs and loving all of them, sometimes crying because I feel so moved by your words, fearing for your safety, but loving the fact that my son is in your life and taking great care of you.I have been following you almost from the start and I am in awe of you. I don't want you to think I am being patronizing. I would feel mortified if I did that without realising it.

    I haven't written before because I was scared you would block me, and you still have that option. I hope you don't. I couldn't help writing this time because your last two blogs have moved me too much to not say anything. You have overcome a lot of things in your life, even though there are a lot of things still scaring you. You override that fear for the sake of your daughter. Keep going, Jaye, because one day you will look back on your life and realise just how much you have achieved. Absolutely fantastic!


be nice. unless you can be cake and then always be cake.