8/09/2017

misadventures in parenting|kids & sex

I guess you could say that I've been almost smug about the fact that Husband and I, in six years of parenting, have never had "parent sex". You know, that hideous sounding, rushed sex while the kid/s bang on your door? Or a quickie while they're occupied by the TV? That. Never. And while that's still true I feel as though I must confess that recently Husband and I almost became one of those parents who have scarred their child for life with their sexual escapades. 

Yes. Bailey almost caught us having sex.

Sure, it's not that big of a deal but when you're completely naked and have to cover yourself with a pillow while still sweaty and panting from a few orgasms, well, that's not my idea of fun. I don't need my child seeing that. Also, the idea of her asking me what that buzzing thing is or that black studded paddle like thing that could easily be seen as a toy when/if she's pretending to ride a horse. I don't need those kinds of questions.

I wonder if some people just give up that side of themselves when they have kids. How many people settle into boring noiseless sex? Should sex toys become obsolete? 

The older I get the more sexually adventurous I find myself becoming. And I've never considered the prospect of B. walking in on us when we've been doing anything but missionary. Can you imagine your child walking in on you while your tied up? Doing doggy style and using a studded crop? I'm potentially scarred for life just at the thought of it. 

Of course, the easiest solution seems to be -- lock your door. But the ship sailed when we decided to give up the master bedroom, a.k.a the only room that locks, to B. last year. I didn't even consider it until, a few days later, Husband asked what we were going to do when we wanted to have sex. I tried to be optimistic and boldly declared that it would never happen. We would obviously hear her. Clearly I am delusional.

I'm not sure I ever walked in on my parents having sex. They split up when I was two so if I did it's doubtful I'd remember. I remember being so terrified of ever seeing my "step-mum" naked, seeing her clothed was frightening enough, that I never dared enter their bedroom at night {or ever, really, to be honest, they were frightening any time of day, naked or not}. So I've never been scarred by seeing my parents have sex. Thank goodness. Yet, I almost, potentially maybe, scarred B.

I suppose I could look at it this way -- 6 years of having a child and having regular sex with my Husband and this is the first case of this happening. There's a bright side. Maybe. But, now, I'm so worried about it happening again that I'm not sure I can have fun sex again. Maybe I'll be doomed to a marriage full of boring sex. Never again will I find joy in blow jobs. Maybe I'll have to retire my vibrator and use my scarves for their original purpose. Maybe, and boy is this one tough to say, I'll never be spanked again. 

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