6/19/2017

the problem with sick sex

You know how you always desperately need sex at the worst times? Like when you have your period and your cramps are so bad that your pubic bone feels like it's going to split in half? Yeah... that. I've always thought that you shouldn't have sex when you're sick because it's simply gross but, sometimes, you have to take some risks and go with what the lower half of your body needs even if your nose is blocked and you can't breathe and your throat is sore {which I guess is a good reason to not give blow jobs if they aren't your thing?}. Anyway, I digress...

Recently I was feeling a tad under the weather. Nothing too major but enough to leave me spending an entire day resting in bed and neglecting all adulting. Of course, my body chose that exact time to desperately need sex. Like, can't survive one more second without it. The kind of insist-your-Husband-leave-work-early kind of craving. That happens when you're forced to go longer than a week without it. But when you're sick...? Breathing is kind of an integral part of the act itself. Still, crotches need attention and, I suppose, binge watching The Girlfriend Experience may have contributed to the burning desire. 

At first I worried that my Husband would avoid me like the plague given the fact that I resembled Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer but then I remembered that he's my Husband and well... And then I worried that I'd have to blow my nose during but that never happened. None of the sick sex cringe worthy moments ever actually eventuated {and, yes, I imagined sneezing and the penis falling out -- can that happen in life? and why am I saying this?} but here's the thing --

Having sex when you're sick is a bad idea. Actually, having good, can't really walk after due to shaky legs and wonderfully sore areas, sex when sick is a bad idea. Because the wonderful sex comes with a heck of a lot of moaning and screaming {etc} and that's bad on the aforementioned sore throat. So you stay sick longer and it kind of seems worth it but, also, the longer you stay sick the less sex you can actually have. So you vow to stay off it... 

Except the next night you get that craving again and you try to withhold. Just cuddle in bed together. That should do it. Except in what world does cuddling ever fill the sex void? No world ever. Cuddling is crap. And, so, to make up for that hideously depressing ten minutes where you tried to be one of those people who felt like cuddling was more intimate and loving than a fucking penis you decide to move a few steps forward in the usual banging routine and whip out the silk tie and have an even longer marathon than the night before. And when you're done you feel even more stupid than the night previous because being tied up, teased and unable to move means more noise on that already worn out throat. And, then, your body takes even longer to recover from what should have been a three day cold. Because... sex. 

So, I've since discovered that this is the real problem with sick sex. Not snotty noises or the inability to give a proper blow job. Isn't it a good thing that I'm around to overshare like this? 

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