5/08/2017

on the jack rabbit

I've always been somewhat adverse to the jack rabbit style of sex. Pow. Pow. Pow. Just doesn't sound very good now does it? The aversion started when I was a teen and watched that Sex and the City episode where Carrie has terrible jack rabbit sex and, personally, from my one and only experience with a rabbit himself. Awful in both cases.

I don't remember this guys name. I can't even tell you what he looked like because I'm classy like that. I think I was sixteen or seventeen and he was nearing thirty{?}. I remember he refused to believe that I would actually want a beer to drink and ordered me a stupid fruity thing. He pouted when I said no to sex, refused to talk to me and then we did it. It probably lasted no longer than five minutes and it was the worst sex of my life. 

Before I started dating Husband I really wasn't all that picky about who I had sex with as long as I had an orgasm. And I always did. Except with Mr. Rabbit. I think he was some F-grade football player which he seemed ridiculously proud of as if that was a thing. He pounded away and I was too scared to say this is fucking horrible please stop and, also, he kept staring at his muscles {gross} in his mirrored built-in and I just thought it was the most hilarious thing in the world so I just laid there, wincing a bit and wishing it was done with. Wishing I was strong enough back then to say no when my head was screaming it, wishing that I wasn't so desperate for someone to love me {even though I didn't want this random to}. Wishing for a nice orgasm so this story wasn't so horrendous. 

Now, I look back, fondly, at Mr. Rabbit {what the heck is his name? was he blonde? or did he have brown hair? did he have eyeballs?}. My Husband and I laugh at the ridiculous tale from time to time. Hey, remember that time you had horrible rabbit sex with whats-his-name? Yeah that...

Now, I also look back in shame at all those years I was missing really fast jack rabbit sex because... fuck, it's really wonderful isn't it? Really wonderful when you're with someone who isn't really bloody old and who actually who knows what they're doing? Someone who can rabbit along with the best of them but still manage to give you a few orgasms while he's at it? That.

It's just occurred to me that this is quite a rude post isn't it? And I could just quit while I'm ahead but no... I shall go on. Because here's the thing, sometimes I think the rabbit can get quite a bad rap and that's a shame because really fast sex {preferably from behind} with a bit of spanking and biting thrown in for good measure is really all there is to life. If you're with a partner who can actually do it properly. If they don't stare at their muscles while daydreaming that they're banging themselves. If they've ever heard of and located a g-spot. That. All good stuff.

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