thanks, but...

I may spend the majority of my life being a sarcastic bitch but I am also, generally, a pretty positive person. I find that if I don't force myself to be obnoxiously positive {maybe he's speeding and almost killed us because he has his pregnant wife in the car whose in labour and they have to deliver at the hospital! And maybe we can't see the pregnant wife because invisibility cloaks really do exist!} it's way too easy to sink into the way my head actually thinks. But sometimes, it actually helps to be really bloody sarcastic and just be as negative as fuck. So here's some thanks, buts... to embrace all the negative crap I want to rant about --

Hey, air conditioner thanks for being all cooling and stuff but... sometimes you work too well and I actually hate you.

Hey, life thanks for being wonderful but... where the fuck is my Chip tea cup?

Hey, husband thanks for doing lots of cleaning and taking care of me and being an all round non-stereotype Husband & dad but... can you please stop leaving my clean socks all over the house? AND please stop leaving your dirty ones in the car? Why is that a thing that is happening?

Hey Bum Bum, thanks for being lovely and snuggly and always warm and toasty in the cold weather but... can you please stop trying to stick your always poop scented tongue in people's eyes/mouths/ears/noses?

Hey boobs, thanks for always being soft and nice to touch and play with but... can you please stop needing to wear a bra? I appreciate that you're big {ish} and I love that about you but, gosh, bras are almost as useless as pants.

Hey Star Wars underwear, thanks for being comfy and cute and making me really happy but... can you please become more women-friendly because I really like wearing Star Wars undies but I've only found one style specifically for women and that's annoying!

Hey tea, thanks for being an anxiety saviour and my life force but... can you please learn to make yourself and stop making me vomit?

Hey rain, thanks for being my favourite kind of weather but... can you please stop doing you for just a minute? 

K, thanks, bye!

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