on marriage & rough spots...

For quite some time my Husband and I were not in the best place. When I say that twenty-sixteen was a hard year I mostly refer to this {though the mental and physical health issues are not to be discounted either}. Last year was incredibly difficult for our marriage but through it all, and as corny as it sounds, we were still best friends. And, yet, I found myself so desperate to escape from a life with him and from everything that he's done. And I thought I found it. And then...

As the year was coming to a close I realised something. It wasn't one of those times where I'd taken the time to think things through and come to certain conclusions on my own. No such independence here. I was out with someone, a friend, and it was terrible. I had thought that getting away from the Husband was just what I needed until I was actually away from him and with someone else that it occurred to me. I am married to a man who has made mistakes, sure, but he just gets me. He isn't intentionally rude to other people. He doesn't put me in situations where I feel uncomfortable. He knows me well enough to know that I rarely speak up, that I let people walk all over me, that I'm, more often than not, too anxious and scared of the world to say what's on my mind.

This is a man who knows just when to ask if I need a cup of tea. Who knows when I get sick and vomity {which happens all too often} I need Doritos. Who still holds my hair when I vomit. He knows anxiety affects every single aspect of my life. When he has hurt my feelings he doesn't rage about me daring to be mad or sad or cross. He's always sorry for making me cry. 

He knows I guard myself with heavy sarcasm. That I am a joker and I say it like it is most of the time. Our relationship is full of wonderful things including banter that most people don't understand. I call people weird and ridiculous and he knows if I'm saying that it's because I truly adore them. He is the person who knows that I am sarcastic and jokingly mean with people I truly respect and admire. He also knows that if I'm having a conversation with someone and it isn't drowning in heavy sarcasm it's because I don't actually like the person at all. He knows I am guarded and rarely let people in.

I think, too often, we let hurt cloud our judgement and we easily discount all those wonderful things that happen when you meet someone that you just click with. It wasn't until I was faced with someone who just didn't get me at all did I realise and truly appreciate what I had. A guy who loves every single part of me. Even when I'm annoying as fuck.

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