10/17/2016

misadventures in parenting//parental disagreements

A few months ago, just before B. turned 5, Husband and I had our first proper parental disagreement. I've mentioned it many times before but he and I don't really fight. We've been together 11 years, there's not really anything to argue about anymore. We're also annoyingly in-sync and we're kind of exactly the same person. Still, we have tiffs every now and again. I get frustrated that he doesn't clean the way I do. He, mostly, gets frustrated with himself because I'm, obviously, too perfect. But this fight, man, it spanned hours and there was shouting {nice!} and many tears shed...

I'm not big on airing too many personal things here {or anywhere really}. I like to keep my relationship very guarded. I don't discuss my problems with anyone, really, which is why nobody has heard about the divorce that almost was or anything really bad. This fight is, of course, not that serious in the grand scheme of things which is why I'm gabbing about it now and, look, any experience that I can share that is so utterly ridiculous is something I'm very happy to do. Observe --

For over a year we {and by "we" I mean "I" because Husband kind of leaves this kind of stuff up to me} have been searching everywhere for a dance class for B. She's had trials and I've scoured websites everywhere trying to find the perfect one. Yet, everywhere I looked there was tight buns and enforced outfits and make up, even for the youngest, at performances and it made me want to vomit. I would call places and ask "does my kid have to wear make up during performances?" and the overwhelming answer was "yes but it's all in FUN".

I am very anti Bailey attending a dance school where she has to wear make up and have her hair up in a nauseously tight bun to be able to perform with her class. I get it, I do. Kinda. They have to look uniform. Whatever. But in no way, shape or form, is my kid going to be a part of something where she has to look a certain way to be allowed on stage. No. She doesn't need to ever think that she isn't beautiful just the way she is and with make up and hair rules being enforced I think that's what they're telling kids.

You worked really hard to learn this dance but to be able to show it to everyone you need to slap on some sparkle and shine. You'll look really pretty! Like a princess!

Bite me in the fucking ass.

Seriously.

So... back to the fight. Husband didn't get it. So I showed him these images on the websites I'd found. Young girls with impossibly long lashes {obviously fake} and foundation and hair so tight I felt sick just looking at it. And, yet, still, nothing from him.

But if it's fun what harm is there?

And I gave him my reasons and I pointed out that most of these photos were clearly also photo shopped {because perfection} and it made me sick and there was no way Bailey was being a part of that. He reasoned that surely they didn't have to all look like that. So I made him call a dance school in our area.

Just for performances. The kids love it.

And then, finally, some agreement but also -- but if Bailey wants to do it...

So I screamed and I cried and then I decided I wanted to have a shower to get away from him because he was being gross and then we argued some more while I was naked and sobbing in the shower. Lovely.

He eventually got it in the end and I eventually decided that he wasn't a gross idiot head. But, man, it took him a while and I hated him there for a bit.

*
For {almost} 5 years we had it pretty good didn't we? No real fights about anything. No "you got more sleep"/"my day was harder than yours" cliched crap. Just simple easiness. And then we fight about makeup. Yup. Life isn't ridiculous at all is it?

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