i just don't care

I've made a new discovery about myself. I just don't care. I don't care if people think I'm fat/ugly/stupid. I don't care if people think I dress stupidly {I do!}. I don't care if people think I am a bad mother. A bad person. I just don't care.

Usually I can harp and stress for years. Always so worried. And now, well now, of course, the depression and anxiety affect me a lot and they keep me inside and away a lot of the time but let's ignore that for right now because...

I just don't care.

I don't care if you were rude to me. I don't care if I get a scathing email. I don't care if you yell at me or try to make me feel bad about myself. I don't and I won't.

Because, here's the thing, the people who really matter won't do any of that stuff. They won't make you think it or feel it. They won't lash out in the heat of the moment. They'll just be understanding and nice. These people I care about.

I used to worry that people thought I was mean. A bitch. I so wanted to be liked. Walk all over me why don't you! Just, please, like me! Now I just don't care anymore. 

I used to think this was a harsh way to live and, now, I don't really think about it at all. I care about those I love, like and respect. Everybody else is just background noise.

I kind of wish everybody felt that way. How nice would it be if, in this self-obsessed world, we didn't feel fat-shamed or thin-shamed? That we didn't feel bad about wearing makeup or not wearing any? That we didn't care if people criticised our perfectly happy relationships? That it didn't bother us if we were different {because that doesn't make you bad it just means you're different!}? 

I wonder what the world would be like if we just stopped giving a shit about what everyone was saying/thinking/feeling about us? If we just focused on being the best we could be {not hurting anybody} and having the best life? And not a life that "fits" into societies ridiculous standards but one that fits into your own. Like loving spending every waking moment with your Husband and just adoring your kid and allowing yourself six months off from life because it's just bloody hard.


Wouldn't that be nice?

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be nice. unless you can be cake and then always be cake.