8/04/2016

drowning

You know when life just feels like you struggling to not let the tide pull you under and carry you away? Of gasping, salt-water filled breaths. Of tears and scream filled panic attacks. And it's not anything large in particular. It's, simply, lots of small scattered fragments that continue to shatter as the days stretch into weeks and just as you feel slightly normal again it all goes pear shaped with carrot chunks and vomit.

Currently this is my life.

When life gets hard everything feels monumental and as if I'm going to break at any second. And, yet, being confined and really in it with Husband and B. feels like the breath of fresh air we so desperately needed.

I'm not sure when it's going to feel like I'm not drowning anymore. Right now I feel surrounded by bubbles of water and I feel suffocated by my inability to breathe. Life continues around me and I feel as though I'm failing at every single thing. Motherhood included. Do you ever feel that way? Because quite often it feels like I am the only who sucks this badly.

Right now I want air and light and cupcakes and I dream of normalcy. 

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