8/15/2016

being mum//parenting regret

For the most part I don't really believe in regret. I think everything can be a lesson and I think the good and bad aspects of life help us grow into better people. Regret is, for the most part, useless but, look I'm human and I have sore spots. Most of my regrets in life are related to being a parent. Here's a few --

1. B. was born in a public hospital which I was fine with then and am still today. However, going public, I think, has its drawbacks and this was a big one for me -- the midwives. They just didn't give a shit. Every single one I encountered was rude, heartless and really bad with their bedside manner. I was yelled at for not being able to talk properly during the last stage of my labour {pain be damned}. Bailey was forcefully removed from my arms after she was born because I looked "too tired" to be trusted to hold her {I was actually wide awake and hopped up on endorphins}. When B. wouldn't breastfeed they refused her formula until she'd gone 12 hours without eating anything. During her first feed {a bottle} I was told I wasn't allowed to feed her because the midwife, mockingly, teased that I'd drop her and refused to listen to my objections. 

All of this made me feel pretty shitty. It actually still does. Sure, midwives practice "tough love"  but, gosh, my time in hospital with B. {luckily only 2 days including the birth} was really fucking crap. I hated every second of it and I hated every single midwife. Of course, my regret comes from not standing up for myself. I knew I wouldn't drop my baby {I was lying down in bed, hello!} and I knew what she needed. Yet, I was too terrified that they'd turn around and take her away from me that I sat there and said nothing.

My biggest parenting recommendation {and trust me, I don't have many} is that you stand up for yourself. Do what is right for you and your baby and fuck everyone else. Yep, midwives included. 

2. I have always been an organised person but when B. was born I became crazed. I purchased a baby specific planner and wrote down everything from feeds to nappy changes to naps. Every fucking thing. I hated it. It stressed me out more than anything and only made my anxiety worse. For a weeks I decided that writing down everything made me a better parent than actually being present did. And I freaked out if I couldn't remember if she fed at 11.20 or 11.21. 

Eventually, Husband, B. and I went away for the night and I left the planner behind. The week before I had told Husband I was stressed and needed a break so we booked an impromptu one just to give me a break from the planner. When we got back I dove straight back into writing everything down and instantly felt my stress levels rise. A few days later I threw the planner away and never looked back. Of course, I still had anxiety but all that insane went away as soon as I put the pen down and just listened to myself and to B. Bliss.

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So, yup, regret... I know it's not doing me any good to hold onto these things but I do. I can't seem to let that hurt from the midwives go {it bubbles occasionally} and that damn baby planner makes me shake my head every time I think of it {honestly what was I thinking?}

& I'd love to hear some of your parenting fumbles if you care to share...

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