5/23/2016

advice to my younger self//don't sweat the slut stuff



When I was younger, and a virgin, everyone around me, friends, peers, family, called me a slut. I hated it. The word, the label, the sneers, created so much depression and anxiety for me. I was so tired, so scared, so heart broken. I slept all the time and I couldn't understand why people were saying these things about me when I'd barely even kissed a guy before.

Later, after I finally had sex and realised that I loved it I kind of embraced the word and everything that went with it. Deep down, though, I had this gnawing feeling that girls weren't supposed to like sex and they certainly weren't supposed to have multiple partners, especially not at the same time. I still hated myself but I learned to stamp out the negative voices with multiple orgasms.

And, today. Well, today I'm married {duh} and I still love sex and I'm not quite sure how I feel about monogamy. I frequently call myself a hoebag mostly because I think the word is quite fun and, also, because if it's one of the only words out there that can describe a girl who likes sex {why is that?} then I'll embrace it. I look back fondly on my pre-Husband days and I don't see anything wrong with what went down {semi-pun intended}.

If I could talk to fifteen/sixteen year old me I would tell her that there ain't nothing wrong with having lots of sex because, hey, sex is fun. And if the result of multiple delicious orgasms with different guys means people will call you a slut, either to your face or behind your back, then so be it. Like so many things in life, it says more about them than it does you. And, really, if you're going to have a roster of guys then fucking own it.

Be safe. Be happy. Do it for you. Don't have sex out of obligation {and, yes, there were two guys back then that forced me into it. I'm not entirely immune}. Have fun. Don't be ashamed because if guys can do it so can you.

And here's the thing -- the owning your labels {no matter how shitty} -- is the best piece of advice I can give to my younger self and anyone else in the world. If you must {and sure, it would be wonderful if society & people weren't so predictably stupid}, call me a hoebag, a slut, a whore. I could care less. Call me any name under the sun. Most of them are probably true. But, here's the thing, I don't care what anyone thinks of me. I know me. My family knows me. My true friends know me. That's all that matters.

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