anxiety & sleep

Anxiety makes sleep virtually impossible. Depression makes you constantly tired.

Medication helps you fall asleep, helps your mind stop racing. And it helps. But not always.

The other night I had a bad dream and, like, big deal. Everyone has bad dreams. Except my mind convinces me that these bad dreams are reality. So when I dream that Bailey has left her bedroom window open and is about to be kidnapped I wake up and fret and worry and check that damn window one hundred bloody times.

But I still can't sleep. I become convinced that it's a conspiracy between Bailey and my Husband to get the fuck away from me because obviously! So I begin to stare warily at my Husband thinking: who are you? And even when he convinces me that he would never do something like that and even when he cuddles up close and holds my I hand I still think but what if? So three turns into four and I still can't sleep and then when it finally comes it's fitful and restless and horrible.

I don't know why I can't just write off bad dreams as bad dreams. 

I don't know why I am always convinced that I'm not worthy.

I don't know...

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be nice. unless you can be cake and then always be cake.