2/18/2016

you belong somewhere you feel free

I think we all know that feeling -- as if a song was made just for us. There's Wonderful and With Me!Mystery Train and a bunch of others that give little snippets into me.

I close my eyes when I get to sad. I think thoughts that I know are bad.

I'll wait here forever just to, to see you smile...

There are days when she's a whisper. Nights when she's a scream

Yet, I think, perhaps, it's the songs that other people see us in that really speak to who we are. Husband lists two -- Baba O'Riley -- the song will always play as if it's the first time I ever heard it, and this is exactly why it reminds me of her; every time I go away, I return surprised and overwhelmed with who she is. Like the melody, I am familiar with her and never let who she is out of mind, but she is renewed every single day.

& then there's the most recent addition -- Wildflowers by Tom Petty. He mentioned it in passing -- this song reminds me of you -- and he played it for me. My heart broke. And then it healed. And then it breaks all over again.

You belong among the wildflowers

You belong somewhere you feel free

Run away, let your heart be your guide
You deserve the deepest of cover
You belong in that home by and by

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I listen to it multiple times a day. It breaks my heart that the sad mournful tone reminds my Husband of me. It hurts that he can see I'm not free, a victim of my own mind. The sadness and the way it envelopes me aches in every fiber and then it breathes life into me. Finally, finally, I am understood. Finally, somewhere, something gets it. The pain, the hurt, the dreams of life among the wildflowers, of belonging somewhere you feel free.

The song helps and hurts and when I listen to it, when I really need it the most, I close my eyes, silent tears slipping through, and imagine a life among the wildflowers, somewhere I feel free.

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