j style//does society frown upon naked wedding guests?

My sister gets married next Friday. Next bloody Friday. Of course, I'm really darn excited for her and I know it's going to be gorgeous and this is not a post about that. This is about me because I'm wonderfully self-involved.

I have nothing to wear to her wedding. Nothing. I have looked. And I have looked and I found the most adorable red dress with fucking love hearts on it and it was beautiful and then it made my boobs look all smooshed and square and, sure, not every dress has to show the boobs but if the dress makes me look like I have cardboard boxes for boobs then why should I even go there?

I trawled through Myer. Shopbop. Asos. I even went to the chains like Bardot and Forever New which I used to love but now they make me want to poke myself in the eye with a toasted marshmallow. I hate everything. I swear every dress these days has back cut out with side cut outs and boobs and legs showing while hugging your butt so we can all close our eyes and pretend we're a Kardashian. Ugh. I could think of nothing worse. Everyone is wearing them and, yeah, sure, that's fine for them but not for me. What happened to showing one thing? Just one damn thing?

Also, I feel like I dip into prim and proper too much, as if I bake cookies and give blow jobs for a living.

So, I'm going naked to my sister's wedding. Sorry.

There's just no other option.

I mean I could wear pants but I could also have a lobotomy,

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be nice. unless you can be cake and then always be cake.