1/07/2016

the sensitivity of life

I've been thinking a lot lately -- of life and the sensitivity of it all. So often we get told to stop being so sensitive, to not let others bother us, that their words say more about them than it does about us. All true, yes. But, sometimes, no matter how hard you try and no matter how many neatly wrapped platitudes you recite, sometimes, people suck. Sometimes we get hurt.

I've always been overly sensitive and made to feel badly about it, by others and by myself. Slowly, so fucking slowly, I learned that the people who didn't matter, who said terribly harsh things with a smirk of pride, their words didn't matter and so I stopped caring. These people, of course, still have nasty things to say and I, quite honestly, don't care. My life is happier without them. Problem solved.

But what about the people who hurt you, often unintentionally, that do matter? Do we mask our sensitivity and hope to change? Or should they be more careful? Should we beat ourselves up over the fact that we care too bloody much?

Let's face facts, this world sucks. There's terror and wars and people hurt other living things and it's awful. For someone like me, sensitive and anxious to the core, it's not a comforting world to live in. I have trouble sleeping at night and when I'm not too self-involved in my own head's ridiculous melodrama I cry and worry for the people I don't know and will never know. I think of those lost always. I become depressed over terror attacks and all manner of hurt and hate. I am sensitive. But, am I too sensitive? And if that's really a thing is it a bad one?

Can someone be too sensitive? Or are they just more emphatic than others? Of course, the very sensitive are not better than anyone else and, yes, they can sure seem annoying and eye-rollingly nauseating when easily offended but, perhaps, instead of stamping out these traits we should embrace them? Perhaps, being overly sensitive and easily offended isn't a bad thing. Perhaps, it's a good one.

If everyone is different and different is what makes the world beautiful then, instead, of tearing down the sensitive shouldn't we be building them up? Let's face it -- we all need to be a little nicer and, sure, some people a lot nicer but if we put more effort into realising how wonderful the sensitive are wouldn't that be wonderful? Even if you don't get it, even if you don't think someone should cry over a raised voice or a bad tone or a dead bird, shouldn't we just embrace them for who they are and be happy they can pick up some of the empathetic slack?

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be nice. unless you can be cake and then always be cake.