1/27/2016

misadventures in parenting//how we survived baby-dom & on...

I mentioned not too long ago {right here actually} that Husband and I are pretty darn in sync. So, when it comes down to it life is pretty easy. Husband wanted to get married. I wasn't ready. We waited. I was ready. We were married. Lets have a kid! Okay. And so on and so forth. Husband is laid back. I am the ideas girl. We have the same taste and always factor each other in.

We're also best friends and want nothing more than to spend every waking second together. Being weird preferably.

So when it came to having B. we already had a pretty wonderful foundation in place.

As parents we disagree, yes, but we're pretty much connected no matter what. So baby-dom, a notoriously stressful time for new parents, was a breeze. Here's how:

1. We both wanted to be awake for B's night feeds so there was no resentment and no one person more tired than the other. This worked for us because a) B. only woke up at eleven/midnight and then again at five/six and then again at nine/ten so we were all pretty rested  anyway {also she started sleeping through just shy of 10 weeks so it wasn't that long in the grand scheme of things} b) B. was also so darn cute that neither of us could stand missing out on time with her and c) we approached this new kind of tired like the hangovers of our past and ate hash browns and pancakes along with multiple naps and pyjama parties.

2. It took me 3 months to heal from labour and another month to be able to tolerate having anything happening down south but Husband didn't mind. Because he loves me and he saw the damn hobo kid rip apart my vagina. Dude, knows what I went through. But, also, there's blow jobs and hand jobs and/or "shower surprises" which I happen to love. All good.

3. We talked through everything together. And when there was compromise needed whoever cared the least was swayed.

4. Have regular date nights even if they are in. Husband and I are homebodies anyway so date nights in are what we love. Having a baby changed nothing much in our lives. As for going out with friends, etc, well, Husband's don't live in state and, me, I don't do it often. We'd both rather be together, always, so we've never had any going out after work issues or somebody feeling relegated to life with a baby because the other is out too much.

5. Push each other when you see the other struggling/missing out. The first time I left B. was when she was 10 months old. I went to the movies with my sister and sister-in-law and Husband had to force me to go because I wanted to but just didn't want to. The day of I drank so much caffeine that I was twitchy and weird. But once I went I felt much better. Like a weight had been lifted.

6. Forgive parenting mistakes. We're all going to make them. Husband slept while I was in the worst hour or two of my labour at home but was so wonderful during the rest of the labour and the hours after that it more than made up for it. I obsessed over every single darn thing and he never held it against me.

7. Don't have a tally. Ever. In my opinion, just stupid. Husband can survive on much less sleep than me so I sleep in more often. He can also wake up and watch B. for a few hours while I get some sleep and then I get up and he goes down. If he doesn't get to nap he doesn't use it against me. If I see him waning I sacrifice my sleep for his because he needs it more than me. 

The same goes for nappies changed or bottles made or chores or nights out or whatever it may be. Don't tally that shit. It's just stupid.

8. Have regular sex. When you're back to normal keep having sex. It's really rather fun you know? Also, the kid is asleep all the darn time {or mine was} and what else is there to do?

Also, none of this "parent sex" I just read about. Wait until you don't need to lock the door and listen for the kids. Bang while they're asleep and for hours on end.

9. Understand that birth/parenthood may have changed them and don't let them feel guilty for it. Husband and I are married. This is what we signed up for. After birth and for 2 years after I couldn't separate being a mum and having a dick in my mouth. It took some time but now... well, you get it.

10. Don't love your partner more than your kid or vice versa. The love is different. It just is. But it's the most delicious kind of different.

*and, also, I shouldn't really need a disclaimer but I'll do one anyway -- everyone is different, no one child is the same, blah blah potato. 

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