being mum//my child makes me cry

Being an adult sucks. I fucking hate it. 

The other day my child made me cry. Real, heavy, stupid tears. See, I like buying things and we have the money so I buy whatever the hell I want for her. And B. and I love to go shopping together. It's fun! And you can't go shopping without buying things. I think that's actually illegal.

But my kid has taken it too far. She had me buy shoes that she "needed" but she actually only wanted them for decoration. I bought bloody shoes for decoration! I wouldn't even do that {actually, have and would again}! She begs and pleads for clothes she never actually wears because she only wants to wear dresses. So I buy 10 tops at $30 each and if I was good at math I'd know what the total was. 

Can you even with this?

So, I know it's my fault. I know I spoil the kid. I know she's only four and doesn't know better but, ugh, I was so stupid and dim that I seriously thought I could take my kid shopping and buy her whatever she wanted and she'd be a normal functioning member of society. Now, lets all collectively wonder how I graduated University in three years without failing any classes? How?

I just picked up my calculator! I just picked it up and calculated $30 x 10 and it's fucking $300. I hate myself. And, also, calculator = phone but blah...

$300! I can't even believe it. I hate myself. I hate my kid.

And, yes, she made me cry and feel those hideous pangs of sadness because she doesn't appreciate being spoiled as much as I do. So my Husband held me as I cried and Bailey stamped her foot and shouted that she was mad at me and the dogs thought wtf? And then I may have told her I'm never going shopping with her again and she'd have to go with Husband who is v. utilitarian and would just buy one pair of sensible shoes as opposed to fifty pairs of unnecessary ones and then backtrack twenty minutes later when he realised that he didn't get the sensible ones and then go get what you came for but somewhat reluctantly. And then he most certainly wouldn't get you cupcakes to deal with the devastation of having to buy sensible shoes. 

So, life and parenting is pretty darn crappy sometimes and I hate it. Damn it! I hate it!

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