that married life//fight like robots

I'm not one for giving out marriage advice because, heck, I've only been married for 5 years and I'm only 28 and, well, a whole bunch of other crap. What do I even know? Really? Regardless, I'm gonna give some anyway --

Something Husband and I incorporated into our relationship quite a while ago is to not fight. Or, rather, to not scream at each other. Before we had B. we fought quite loudly and while it made for great makeup...relations... it didn't make a wonderful marriage. Sure, fighting is "normal" but there was something about the take-no-prisoners approach that had me feeling like crap. 

While I was pregnant with B. Husband and I discussed what we wanted our home life to be like, what we expected from each other as parents and what our dreams of us plus B. were. Like everything else in our relationship we clicked on it all and it was at that point where I mentioned to him that I didn't want B. to be raised in a home where her parents screamed and yelled at each other. I've been woken by screaming parents in the middle of the night and it's terrifying. I wanted a better life for B. Husband did too.

It took some practice but we now fight like robots. It's kind of eye-rollingly nauseating but it works. I coined the term "fight like robots" {because I'm a sarcastic idiot} and here's how it works:

Husband it upsets me when you leave your socks on the floor. I am not your slave.

I'm sorry wife. I will keep an eye on my sock placement -- and then actually does just that.

Wife you can't expect me to know everything you're feeling. Please let me know when you need something. I can't always guess.

Okay Husband, I will communicate more.

Husband can you please stop grabbing my boobs in your sleep?

Do I do that? I am sorry. That is rude. I will stop it at once.

Yes, I kind of do actually hate myself right now but, look, it works. We communicate well, we don't scream and we don't call each other names. Our robot fights have also made sure we don't snipe at each over random things like not washing dishes properly and our marriage is infinitely better.

We still have that sarcastic relationship that not many people seem to get. We're still unflinchingly honest and we still have passion. And this robot thing makes me love that balding weirdo that much more.

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be nice. unless you can be cake and then always be cake.