12/15/2015

going commando...

I hate underwear {or pants in general, really}. Hate them. I mean, sure, wearing adorable Olaf or pug pairs is fun but, also, wearing underwear is so darn boring because, ugh, just let me be. I have gone commando a few times in my life. Once at my formal, perhaps some other times I can't quite recall and, more recently, the other day at work.

Now, I work in an office and it's a laid-back sort of environment but, really, what office is so laid back that you can forgo underwear? A brothel perhaps? I don't know. I did not intentionally forgo underwear I promise. I actually wore underwear to work {a cute silky pair} but the day was busy and my underwear kept riding up my butt and I was stressing out and eventually I was like ah!. I'd had enough dammit! and rushed to the bathroom and took my undies off. Relief.

It wasn't until relief flooded my entire body, particularly my crotch region obviously, that I realised that I had no way to get the underwear back into my bag which was at my desk. Eventually I just shoved the pair in a paper towel, hid it under my arm and hurried, legs shoved together, to my desk. Luckily, my desk is covered nicely so nobody could see downstairs but, still, the nerves, man.

I worried that somebody would see my undies in my bag. I stressed that I would accidentally flash someone. Would my boss call me into his office and I'd forget to close my legs? What the...? My main worry, of course, was that I'd stand up and something weird would sploosh out because, hey, things happen and vaginas are weird. 

Luckily, none of these things happened. I'm also thankful that I had groomed recently. But also, groomed or un-groomed who the hell wants to see an unwelcome vagina*?

Verdict is -- I'm never going commando again. I just can't handle it.

*and, yes, I am aware "vagina" is not the correct term but, look, deal with the facts...
**also, can I get fired for this? Is this too much information???

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