10/27/2015

being mum. being wife. being life. would you die for this?

Recently, somebody asked me what I want Bailey to say about me when I die. I listed the usual stuff. Good mum. Good friend. Happy. When I finished they said that I hadn't mentioned my anxiety or depression in there. It seemed weird. Like duh of course I didn't, what a stupid thing to say. But after a while, it hit me, my anxiety and depression are a part of me but they aren't important enough to be remembered for. Around this time I also heard someone say, in regard to arguments with their partner, would you die for this? Since then, I've been aiming to ask myself these questions everyday, more often than not, multiple times a day.

Do I want to be remembered for this?

Would I die for this?

And if the answers are no, I change what I'm doing.

Of course, this is overly simplistic and some things are never that easy but for the most part it's a pretty awesome way to live. 

When I'm really depressed sometimes I can't pull myself out of it, no matter what. But other times I can and it's during those times I think about how Bailey will remember me. Will I be the mum in bed? Or the mum on the trampoline? Trampoline wins every time. Away I go.

When I'm arguing with my Husband, granted we argue about small things over large, I ask myself would I die for this? If winning this argument meant dying would I be okay with that? Again, overly simplistic, but, look at it this way -- would I be happy to die being right about dirty dishes? No. Would I be happy to die remaining someone who didn't hurt animals or other people? Yes. 

Am I making any sense?

I don't know...

I guess it's kind of like don't make a mountain out of a molehill.

Try and be happy every single day. Don't take a moment for granted. You get the drift. Arguing about trivial things isn't living life. Think about exactly who you are and who you want to be and live life with those things in mind. Let the rest of the stuff fall to the wayside.

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be nice. unless you can be cake and then always be cake.