a letter to my younger self

Dear Baby-Jaye -- you're still going to love cake. Love, 28-year old Jaye.
P.S. you're tummy is still huge.

 Dear early 20's Jaye, look, you're going to forget even more things by 28. I don't even know how old I was here. I was still in uni and was un-engaged so that puts me anywhere between 19-21. How old are you eyes-closed-lady? How old? But, also, this letter isn't even about that so get over it...

You look really happy and since you're with Lindsay I'd say you actually really are. I can tell that you're not pretending to be happy though I know you've been doing that for as long as you can remember. I know you hate it and guess what? Eventually you remove the people from your life who make you pretend so that's good. I don't know if I should tell you that a year after that when you're married and have a baby your anxiety worsens and depression and ptsd and ocd hit you like a tonne of bricks? I don't know. I guess I already told you didn't I? Perhaps, I should say that you shouldn't let Minnie out on January 22nd? Whatever... This is still not what this letter is about.

Dear younger me,

One day you're going to be an adult and you're kinda going to suck at it and kinda be awesome at it. Mostly awesome, lets face facts. You believe chocolate is an acceptable meal and are stumped when you're ravenous at dinner. You finished work at 8.30 the other night and then your four year old wanted ice cream so you went to froyo and when you got home your kid was hyped up on sugar until 10.30 that night. School tomorrow should be fun for her. You're totally cackling manically now and hoping her teachers never find out. She's really cute though so it's acceptable.

Also, at school your kid learnt about halves and quarters and wholes. When her dad was quizzing her he asked "how many halves in a whole?" and before she answered you said "four" to yourself and were really quite proud. But then your FOUR YEAR OLD answered with "two!" and you felt really dumb. Combined with the fact that you didn't know how many eighths were in a whole and you really should go back to school. Pre-school. Join your kid. You'll love it.

Also, at work today you thought the correct change for $20.95 from $30 was 5 cents. Granted, sales aren't a regular thing but still... is everything okay up there? Maybe go have an MRI and check while your parents still take care of your medical expenses. Oh wait, your parents are terrible and left you in agony for 10 weeks with appendicitis. They could care less....

About that... give it until 22 and 24. You never speak to either of them again. 

Life is pretty darn good.

And your kid is finally asleep. 


Love, me. 

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be nice. unless you can be cake and then always be cake.