9/09/2015

the pangs of the father

As Father's Day drew to a close on Sunday I found myself feeling pangs of sadness that wouldn't go away. I look at my Husband, on this day out of them all, and feel resentment toward him. Because he is, mostly, the father I always wished for except he's not my dad, he's my Husband. I am, of course, grateful for his love for B. but I'm also jealous and in some ways I think it'd be easier if he were an awful one like my own so I could see it wasn't just me. Because, sometimes, I feel like the only one...

But, also, on days like those I am grateful. I'm grateful to know that there are amazing fathers and there are kids, like my own, who will feel that forever kind of love that I ached for.

I feel moments like that on Mother's Day too. Most of the time I just want to have a mother and father worthy of celebrating with. Instead I have a Husband to celebrate and I am that mum worth celebrating...

So, life isn't so bad...

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be nice. unless you can be cake and then always be cake.