6/19/2013

out of my comfort zone

One would think that with going through hours of labour without any drugs I'd be good with pain or at least think that I'm strong enough to cope with it. Wrong. I'm terrified of pain and even though I've been told numerous times that I'm stronger than I think I've never believed it. Drug free child birth? No big deal. Endorphins and all that. But anything else that may hurt scares the crap out of me and I don't want to go anywhere near it.

Which is why it was kind of weird of me to step into a tattoo shop on Thursday and ask for them to give me one. I told them what I wanted. They helped me with placement. And then they asked if I wanted to get one right then and there {going in early in the morning was a good idea}. After freaking out a bit and with their assurance that it wouldn't hurt as much as child birth {they likened it to scratching a really bad sunburn} I decided to go for it. And this is what happened...


If you know me you'll know I'm not a tattoo person. I actually really dislike them. I don't think they age well and, yet, in the past few weeks I haven't been able to get the idea of a tattoo that would always remind me of Minnie out of mind. This past month and a half has been really hard for me in terms of grieving. Crying in the shower. Crying in bed. Crying everywhere and holding it in until Husband came home so I could go cry without Bailey having to see me. This whole not coping thing hasn't sat well with me. I always cope with things. No matter how hard. I always see the bright side but lately there hasn't been one that makes it all okay.

Getting the tattoo felt like relief in many ways. The physical discomfort in getting it {to me, the pain was reminiscent of stitches after child birth}, the healing and the effects of {which are still mostly to come} and the idea that's she's always going to be with me. I'm a big fan of physical reminders that I can wear everyday. My infinity bracelet helps me believe in a forever marriage and now {as lame as it may sound} Minnie can be with me forever just like I always imagined.

If you're interested I got mine done at Wicked Ink. They were really quite lovely.


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