Friday Five

when this post goes live on friday we will be in our new house probably avoiding unpacking {as I write this I'm avoiding packing/cleaning} and I will most likely be dreaming wistfully of these products.


Friday Five

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it's friday again? seriously? where did this week go? this week I've included a bit of things I've recently picked up and love {and highly recommend} and a few things I having been eyeing off for a while

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this week I had to include a friday five section for kids {mostly girls}. I know technically that means it's friday ten but if you don't pay too much attention and see these as two separate posts condensed into one then it's fine {and if you don't it will devastate my self esteem}. when the occasion warrants I will be posting more of this kid-centric friday fives so keep an eye out if you're interested.


a really random must have: for eye comfort

Let me introduce you to my little miracle product - Livostin Eye Drops.

When I moved to Sydney, way back in 2004, I started to have some issues with my eyes. They started to get really itchy and gunky and gross. As the years progressed and my allergies got even more annoying the issue got even worse. For about 3 months out of the year my eyes were basically a hot mess. During the worst of it I would be forced to lie with whichever eye hurt the most pressed hard against a pillow or something until the pain went away and I could comfortably open my eye and continue on. This usually took half an hour. Sometimes an hour. Of course, I know this isn't the worse issue to affect someone and I was pretty much able to get on with my day after resting.

Having Bailey changed that. I don't know why but in the past 2 years my eyes have gotten worse and since {I guess} I'm not able to flit off for 30 minutes to an hour and rest the pain has been constant and I've become even more frustrated. Nothing any doctor or chemist suggested worked until this.

Long story short... if you're after some relief from itchy eyes this may just be it. I picked it up from Chemist Warehouse. It comes in a 4ml bottle and costs around $10 {maybe a little less}. It's my little miracle worker.


Movie Love

both movies I watched in early 2013. loved both.
possibly not the best movies to watch when grieving but they were so great it was impossible to look away.
you need to watch them now. if not sooner. 

The Gaff Family Is Moving

Yep, we're moving to a different place. Far away from this house that we loved because it feels tainted with bad memories. I don't think moving house will fix everything but I do think we all need the fresh start that moving provides. I've had minor anxiety since becoming pregnant with Bailey and since Minnie passed away it's become considerably worse. I panic every time Summer is outside even though she always has supervision. I haven't been able to leave the house unless I'm in the car for fear of walking past the spot that is/was a tad darker than the rest of the road. I don't want to see the spot where I broke down. I can't...

We've being doing things like taking Bailey to the park on weekends in the car but it's not practical anymore. At least not for her. I want to be the best mother I can be and I've tried in the past weeks to be stronger and braver but I can't overcome this last hurdle. Yet. I see Minnie, dead, every night before I go to sleep and my dreams are always filled with blood and death. I know it will get easier over time and I know I need to give it more time. I'm not giving up. I'm trying to be realistic about what I and the rest of us need. Summer still searches for Minnie. She is missed every day, and will continue to be when we move, but I have to admit that I love the idea of not going into my bedroom and expecting to see her on the bed. Maybe a new house will make that possible.

Anyway... that's what's happening and an explanation, of sorts, as to why posts might be few and far between in the coming week or two {and I will try my best to not mention Minnie and what happened with every second breath in future}. We move next weekend {Easter weekend}. Minnie, of course, will be coming with us in her engraved paw print urn. 

I would say wish me luck but I actually adore moving. 


Life with Bailey Part 2

I only just wrote this life with Bailey post and figured that was the end of the story and I wouldn't have anything else to add for a few years {I tend to be a bit delusional when it comes to parenting. I mean I actually believed that Bailey would keep her chalk in the container I designated it for and would only use it on her blackboard. Instead I find chalk everywhere, even in my bed, and really wonderful chalk drawings on the walls and the couch. Husband swears she drew the sign for Pi and I am convinced she drew a very anatomically correct male.}

Alas, I have something else to add...

Picture this, Saturday night. 8.30 PM. Husband and I are upstairs tidying up our room and closet {we are really wild}. Bailey's monitor is on. She's been in bed for half an hour. No tears. Her door is cracked open a little because she's recently become scared of the dark but is, weirdly, even more scared of her night light and while she likes her lamp off she does not like her lamp on. We hear a loud banging noise downstairs.

My first thought: oh crap someone has broken in to kidnap Bailey.

Husband goes downstairs because he is brave {but I think he must have wished he had a bat or a sharp rake}. And it's Bailey! Bouncing on her trampoline {this is it btw - it's one of the best things we've ever given her}. She's a ninja. She gets back into bed but insists {a.k.a cries} the door is left open a touch so the hall light can peek through. Good. Not a peep from her.

Now. Picture this, Sunday morning 6.30 AM. I wake up to go to the bathroom and am confronted with Bailey sleeping with her ladybug pillow pet {she loves that thing} on her bloody trampoline. She doesn't have a dummy. Or a blanket. It's just her and the ladybug and she looks so adorable that I scramble to get Husband to witness our daughter doing the cutest thing ever before she wakes up which he did {but we got no pictures of it *insert sad face*}. Then she woke up and had the face of someone who was guilty but pretended she wasn't and then later that day she got a cupcake for being the best kid ever.

I mean... Life with Bailey is pretty darn awesome. And now I'm pretty sure that she's going to continue to surprise me with her weird ways until the end of time. 


Face Mask Wishlist - Missha

I'm not a big fan of facials at day spas {in fact, I find nothing more tediously boring} but if you were to sneak a peek into my home at night {or in the afternoon on a particularly hard day} I'll most likely have a face mask on. Depending on my skin condition {and my levels of lazy} I will do one every 2-3 days. Currently I only have one {see here} in my rotation {and a few Vitamin C sheet masks that are reserved for day before a special occasion} which is why I have compiled this list of masks from one of my favourite Asian beauty stores, Missha.  


Friday Five

welcome to a new post series - friday five. I guess it's the same thing as friday loves but more organised {which I'm a big fan of}. Every Friday I'll compile a list of 5 things I'm loving and that I think you'll love too. 


Amazing Face the App

Way back in August of last year I wrote a review on Zoe Foster's book Amazing Face {a book I loved then and still love today} and now the Amazing Face app is available for purchase at the App Store for $4.49. It's basically touted as a portable Amazing Face with the benefit of being able to find the product/s you desire at a store near you. I haven't bought it yet but hope to soon {and will report back when I do}.

If you're a fan of Foster's {or, sorry, Foster-Blake's} then I'm sure you'll love this. I love the idea of having a handy tool like this when I'm at Priceline {or its like} and panicking over what brand or product to buy.


Life with Bailey...

Life with a baby/toddler has certainly been interesting. Bailey does so many things that I never imagined anybody could ever do. She's the ultimate weirdo. She makes me laugh and raise my eyebrows every single day. I don't know where she got her epic weirdness from {okay, maybe I do}. She's my baby so, of course, every thing she does is amazing to me {and probably boring to anyone else} but I wanted to share some tidbits about life with Bailey {heavy sarcasm abound}.

Life with Bailey means:

1. Either drinking cold tea or gulping down a boiling hot cup
2. Making a nice lunch for her that she doesn't eat. Then, making a yummy salad for myself and getting less than half of it {same goes for breakfast. If I have 2 boiled eggs I get half an egg}
3. Hiding chocolate
4. Trying, to no avail, to hide my yummy fruit from her
5. Getting screamed at for not giving her juice, cordial, chocolate milk, chocolate, lollies, etc. Anything...
6. Never going to the toilet alone
7. Never showering alone
8. Pretending I am standing outside her door while she falls asleep {calling out "I'm still here" as I sit in the lounge room}
9. Kisses mingled with snot
10. Hugs combined with a punch in the boob {or, more often, both boobs}

I may get grossed out by changing her poopy nappies {still! 21 months later!} and snot kisses may not be my favourite thing but, gosh, she sure makes bruised boobs worth it


Something Other Than Tumbleweeds

I apologise for the lack of posts lately. Usually writing {about anything} is my escape and helps me get through things but this time I couldn't even begin to. I'm still a bit on that fence but I dipped my toes into the writing pond with my post last week and a few Instagram updates. I'm getting there but I'm still on a no-Twitter and Facebook diet {though I'm not really sure why}. Anyway... enough of that.

As you may be able to tell I got glasses. It's not a fashion statement. Trust me. Though I kind of wish they were. I went to the optometrist on a whim with the idea that he would attribute my constant {almost} 2 year long migraines and epic tiredness {because of aforementioned migraines} to allergies. Alas, it wasn't meant to be. My eyes are crap.

It took me a week to get used to the lenses and, you know, being able to see properly. I got transition lenses so I need to wear them inside and out {so my poor Mimco sunglasses have been retired}. Whenever I need to concentrate on something or look at a screen, watch something, etc I have to wear them. So...basically they're always on and I feel like a weirdo. I have no idea how to style myself with them, eyeshadow looks have become a challenge and anything I wear instantly looks very librarian-ish with them. Bailey also makes me take them off when I'm reading her a bedtime story {which is nice considering I need them to read most times}.

To curb some sadness I purchased some much needed make up products online. I needed a proper eyelash curler and decided to try out this one by NARS* {it does not tear out my eyelashes like previous cheapy $3 one - good}, the Clarins Beauty Flash Balm {to use under make up and can also be used as a face mask - extra good} and the Kevyn Aucoin Sensual Skin Enhancer in SX02 {which I have heard wonderful things about but which I have, sadly, been unable to use due to allergies making my skin blah}. 

Aside from all that riveting stuff nothing much else has been happening around here that doesn't involve missing Minnie like crazy. Bailey and I have been sick for what feels like ever. She's had bronchitis and a cold. And her last four molars are coming up. At the same time. And I've had a cold that will not leave which has been fun to say the least.

I hope to be back to my regular bloggy self soon but if I do go missing again I'm most likely consuming my weight in chocolate surrounded by tissues and loved ones. 

*this item is no longer available online at the site I purchased it from, however, they do still have the Nars Jet Setter Set which I have linked.


Missing Minnie

It's been over a month since Minnie died and each day is still a struggle. It hasn't been fun. It hasn't been easy. Though I didn't think it would be. Minnie was 10 {she would have been 11 this year} so, yes, I did think about the time when she wouldn't be around anymore. It seemed like everyone liked to remind me how old she was. At every yearly vaccination the vet would remind us she wouldn't need many more of them. I thought about her dying often. I didn't want to. The thoughts just came. I never imagined in a million years that I would have to see her body squashed {literally flattened} on the road. I never thought I would have to see the things that had once been inside her on the outside mingled with her blood. I've always been a horror movie buff but now... since, gosh, I can't even watch Grey's Anatomy anymore.

I miss her more than anything. I loved her like a child. She was my child. She wasn't just a dog to me. She was part of my family and now she's gone. Forever. I fucking hate this feeling. I hate that my last image of her was blood and intestines. Each night before I succumb to sleep that's what I see. That's what I dream of. I hate that the person who hit her didn't care enough to stop. I hate that there's the culture out there. That she was "just a dog". I hate that people question my sadness. That maybe I'm depressed because I'm not "over it yet".

I go over the day in my head. I have no idea what possessed her to escape from our back yard, through 2 fences and out onto a road when she was scared of the noise the cars made. I remember the last time I saw her alive and hate myself for letting her out the back. Never in a million years did we think she would do anything like that. I hate myself for being so complacent. For trusting her.

I hate the person who killed her. I hate the people in cars that didn't stop for my Husband when he had to carry her back to the house. I hate the people who stopped and stared as I quite literally screamed on the side of the road in the rain. I love the man who came running over to me to check if I was okay and I wish his kindness was enough to forget the people staring and pointing.

It took Summer 2 weeks to realise Minnie wasn't coming back.
Bailey stopped napping in the day until Minnie's ashes were returned.
My Husband is pretty good with moving on but he still leaves our back porch light on, just in case we were mistaken, that it wasn't her, so she can find her way home.

And me... I lost my friend. She was my everything. She helped me realise it was okay to love and to let go. Everything I did revolved around her. She was there on our wedding day. She was there for everything. One hug from her could make everything better. Waking up and looking over to see her sleeping next to me was one of the highlights of my day. When everything was black she made it colourful again. Writing this, admitting that, makes me mad. I hate myself for loving her so much and loving her with everything I had. I wish I hadn't actually believed that she would be around forever.

6 years with her wasn't enough. I miss her like crazy.