10/18/2012

A Love Letter To My Freckles

Dear Freckles,

Growing up I hated you. At school I was teased for being ugly. I got called a dog because I resembled a Dalmatian. People would come up to me and ask if I had poo on my face. Kids I didn't even know would ask my face looked like it did. Why was I spotty? I guess there's no wondering why I hated you...

I tried my best to not feel sorry for myself. Everybody got teased for something. This was just my thing. I heard a story about Nicole Kidman getting her freckles lasered off and I longed for the day when I could do the same. I knew that nobody would ever love me because of them. I'd never get married or have children. How could anyone possibly love me with those things on my face and body? So let's make it clear... I hated you.

I used to spread foundation on so thick that my face resembled a ghost just to cover you up. At times I tried to conceal every single one of you on my face. I thought it was better to wear a mask than to be natural and comfortable in my own skin. To be natural and comfortable with you.

And then I got a bit older and a friend of mine told me that you were what made me special. I didn't believe her. She said that she thought they were beautiful and, one day, somebody else would too. I didn't believe her. I actually scoffed internally thinking...

If my own parents don't love me who else would? Having freckles just adds another point to the list on why the people who are supposed to love me don't and the people who could eventually never will.

Not long after that I met this boy who everyone teased. He was sweaty and smelt from long days and nights working in a busy kitchen. The cigarette smoke didn't help. He wore a long trench coat in Summer with thongs. He liked Star Wars and had light saber fights in the kitchen where he worked with other equally nerdy staff members. Despite all of those things we made a connection. I was surprised he liked me. People were surprised I liked him. 

He had freckles too.

And from then on you being around never seemed to make me cry. As the days, months, years went by I fell in love, not only with him but me too. And with you. The main reason was him. My, now, Husband. He had freckles and I loved that about him. It was inevitable that I'd eventually love that about myself too. 

Not only that but he made me comfortable in my own skin. He loved me for me and, eventually, I loved me for me. Freckles and all. 

So freckles... I'm sorry I was such a horrible host to you for the first 17 years of my life. I'm sorry I told you that I hated you because without you I wouldn't be me. I wouldn't believe in natural beauty in all its forms.

Freckles... I love you.

- Jaye.

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